Journal Entries:
Sunday, July 23rd, 1995 2:17 a.m.
"Karen," I said as we walked towards the woods, "Why did the Magii destroy the cairn? You said their attacks have increased? Why is that?"
Karen sneered. "For power, what else?" she spat, "Cairns are places of great power, blessed by Gaia. Some magiis can use a Cairn's energy for their own twisted purposes. And as all humans, what they covet, they take. And what they take, they spoil." She continued, in an angry tone that belied the relatively calm attitude she had maintained until now, "I don't know why the attacks increased. Maybe they getting more cocky, or maybe they are numerous than before. Who cares? One thing is sure, though, they pushed us once too many."
I was shocked. We had to care - it was too important not to. "Karen! If we can understand why the magii did what they did, we're halfway home. Granted it was a - " I tried to find the right words, "An atrocity - but if you're going to conduct a war it is best to understand the motivations of your enemy. If you understand what he wants you can guess more accurately at what he will do. If the Magii and the Garou have been at a balance until now, regardless of how precarious a balance, and suddenly all the magii start attacking cairns, then between then and now something has changed. If we can find out what that something is, then we will stand ourselves in a much better position to defend against the magii, and it may very well be that the factor which has changed may be something that the Garou need to know about anyway. I know that it is hard to do but we need to try and look at this in - in cold blood if at all possible." I paused and grimaced. "Of course it may be easier for me to say this because I can't conceive of the destruction of a cairn. My brain will accept the concept but my heart flatly refuses it."
Karen growled. "Accepting it or not, that what happened. Maybe the SunChild isn't so bad, if it give us the mean to kill them? Maybe we should..." She suddenly shuddered. "What am I saying? Oh Gaia, I was thinking as they are! Oh Kate, we must hurry."
We jogged, following the red thread. But the more we followed it, the more our environment faded around us. After a while, I realized that there was absolutely nothing around us, not even the thread. We were in the middle of a complete void. There was no ground or sky. Everything was black. The ground was blacker but just barely. I looked at Karen, and saw all of her forms simultaneously. I looked at myself and saw the same phenomenon. Bizarre... but rather freeing. I was glad I hadn't worn my dedicated clothes, as I don't know what they would have done.
I looked curiously at Karen's Crinos form. She wasn't incredibly huge for a Garou, but more than large enough to inspire caution. I couldn't see any details as her Crinos form was surrounded by deep-red, foul-looking smog. Her others forms were also affected, but the smog was less dense.
I maintained my half-human, half-cat Sokto form and stayed well out of the area of red smog. I knew it was bad but this was worse than I had ever imagined.
"We are in the deep Umbra", she said, "I never dared to enter it until now." She didn't say anything about the smog, but her face couldn't hide her feelings.
"It will be all right," I told her. In the distance there was a shining star, the only point of light in the blackness, and then something brushed against my ankles. I looked down and saw that I was standing in leaves that swirled and blew around my feet. In the blackness they looked bright and cheerful, and strangely out of place.
"The Guardian Tree." Karen said simply.
I was surprised. "Wow." I had asked for the tree's blessing; I had not thought of its answer in practical terms. "It is good to have her blessing on this journey."
We walked for a while. It was hard to tell how far we had gone. In a few moments, I could see two forms at the horizon. I wondered who they were, and all at once found myself nearly face to face with them. It was a Garou attacking a woman. Its back was to us and its bulk hid the smaller human form. In a moment the Garou would rip out her throat.
Karen, excitable as many Garou are, sprinted towards them. I was several paces behind, as I could not match her speed. As Karen approached the two forms, the Garou turned at her and reveal its victim - Karen. In fact, the Garou itself looked very much like Karen's crinos form, under the red smog.
The real Karen, the one I was with, was visibly not prepared for this and stopped in her tracks. The other Garou was holding the other Karen by the throat, and the "real" Karen stood frozen only three feet away. The Garou looked at us briefly, then returned to its victim. Before I could get there, the Beast's jaws opened and it swallowed the other Karen whole before it vanished.
"It was me..." the real Karen stammered. "... And me. It was me..." she repeated, "...and me!"
"Symbolic, maybe," I said slowly. "I don't have enough experience in the near-umbra to tell. Are you all right?"
"Symbolic? Yes and no. Past? Future? Present? All and none, who is to know?" said a voice. I didn't see where it came from.
Karen looked shaken, but the new voice seemed to rouse her. "Who said that?"
"I do not believe that we are too late," I told the voice, hoping to get it to come closer. And then I spotted it. Diving from the sky, an eagle landed near us. "The Umbra is a dangerous place for truth-seekers. What brings in this cold place a dog and a cat together?"
It was a magnificent Eagle, and I bowed politely to it. "Greetings. We are on a spirit-quest."
Eagle folded its wings neatly. "Paws, whiskers and tails are on a spirit-quest? My attention you caught, I'm impressed."
"It seemed best to attack the problem directly."
"And what is the problem, may I inquire?" replied Eagle.
I looked at Karen. It was her quest, of course, and I would not have dreamed of telling some stranger of it without her permission. "Karen?"
Karen cleared her throat. "We are searching for truth about the SunChild, and how to defeat him."
"We are also searching," I added, "For a way to free this Garou from his influence. In freeing her we hope to find a way to release her pack as well."
Eagle looked at Karen. "SunChild? The Everburning Fire? Don't you know meddling with it is building your own pyre?"
"You know of the SunChild?"
Eagle's eyes glinted. "I hunted it when it was Worm and I Sparrow. Now I fly higher and it remained below."
I smiled and my ears and whiskers smiled too. "Oh brave Eagle you must fly far and wide, and see the Umbra from one end to the other. Can you tell us how it may be made to let go of its victims, and whether or not there is water nearby? For one does not fight a fire with tooth or claw; one fights a fire by locating a source of water and directing it to the flames."
Eagle replied in a soft tone, "Even the sea could not drown this flame, the firestarters are to blame. They have fed the spark for too long, now it would not be undone. As for the dog here, you already know the answer. What stops a slave of running, an eagle of flying higher?"
I shook my head. I didn't know.
Eagle produced a clicking noise. "Chains that tie slaves to master, master to slaves. Slavery is comforting, liberty asks to be brave. Which one are you longing for, Karen Greensong? Will you take the easy road, or the long?"
"The long," replied Karen without hesitation.
I said to Eagle, "What I wish is to learn what I may about the Sun Child, and to free this Garou from his grasp. I doubt the road will be easy. I doubt it will be short. But I also doubt that we will be going along any trails that have already been blazed. Tell me, Eagle, do you know of anyone who was able to free themselves after being enslaved by the Sun Child?"
"Some were able before, some were able after, some found the reward sweet, some the price bitter. Follow the red star, to the puppet master it will lead you. Follow your heart; don't let new lies hide the old truth. Aren't my wings pretty? My feathers used to be all brown, some are now white. Does that mean I'm wiser than I was? It might..." To this, Eagle unfolded his wings and was airborne. Two heartbeats later he was out of sight.
I took a moment to try and memorize what he said so that I could reflect on it later. "I wish I had brought paper to take notes," I told Karen.
Karen shook her head. "No need for paper, I remember everything that he said. What a strange spirit, if it was one..."
"We shouldn't hesitate here. We should continue on. Are you all right?"
"Agreed. I'm all right but I feel the darkness growing inside me, we must hurry."
"Then let us be quick," I said and began moving towards the star again. As we walked towards the red star, it grew in size, first a small star, then a tiny orb, then the size of the moon, finally as big and hot as the summer sun.
"Kate!" shouted Karen in sudden alarm, and when I looked at her the smog was congealing around all her forms, solidifying into manacles and chains, binding her tightly into place. I started to approach her, but then was distracted.
"The chains are binding the slave..." said a voice coming from the sun. If I strained my eyes, I could see a silhouette in the middle of the sun, bound in chains like Karen. Karen was trying to free herself and throwing desperate looks at me. The chains were ugly, angry things, thicker than my wrist, and must have been very strong, for Karen could hardly make them rattle.
"It's useless. Once forged, these chains can't be broken." said the voice from the sun, this time much nearer. Its intensity had diminished and the silhouette had approached, so I could see it was a man, looking a little bit like Mark. A sad expression was painted on his face.
I was struck by his words. How different from Father, who never as long as he lived uttered the phrase, 'It can't be done.'
"Why may they not be broken?" I asked the sad man.
"Because they can't."
"Why not?"
Anger flickered in the stranger's eyes. "They have been forged out of pure power, to bind forever any creature down."
I looked at the chains thoughtfully. They did appear menacing. Karen looked desperate, but something in the back of my mind was crying for attention, insisting that there was more here than met the eye. "Who were you before you were bound?" I wondered aloud.
He chuckled mirthlessly. "My real name will tell you nothing, but maybe the name my tormentors gave me will. I'm the SunChild, Bastet."
Karen jumped forwards, instantly stopped by her chains. I was impressed: she was in full Crinos form and had hardly moved an inch. She fought the chains viciously but made no progress. Something was wrong here, something more subtle than the rattling of the angry red chains.
"I'm surprised," I said, fishing for time. "Was it the Verbena that chained you?"
"Yes", the man spat out, "them and their allies, the Garou. They were lusting for my power. The fools!"
I hesitated. I couldn't trust its words but wondered if it was trying to deceive us with truth or if it was out-and-out lying, and what the implications were. "That made sense, I could see that, but why? What could they possibly want that would justify....?"
The man's laugh was full of contempt. "Innocent thing! Power, what else! And look what it brought them! They are intoxicated by my life-force, drunk with it!"
"Liar!" shouted Karen, "we never bound you!"
Something wasn't right. I knew it, I felt it. But what....?
"Karen," I asked her in an attempt to pinpoint it, "Whose idea was it originally to summon the SunChild? Was it yours or was it theirs?"
Her eyes fell on me. Her voice was harsh and intense as all her forms, but her Crinos, faded. "We summoned it, true, not we did not bind it. It was 'helping' us of its own free will. It's playing with us, Kate! Kill it!"
On the heels of her words came the words of the Sun Child "Help me restore peace, Bastet, free me."
I put my hands together, palms flat, and considered. In spite of all efforts I could not quite bring my suspicions into focus. "The purpose of our quest is not to kill the SunChild, nor to free him," I said at last. "Our quest has one purpose and only one and that is the regaining of Karen's freedom. If your story is true," I said to the Sun Child, "You shall be freed. If it is false, you shall be killed. Either way Karen takes precedence."
I was pleased with the answer. If his story was true (which I doubted) the offer was more than reasonable and he would probably agree. If it was false (which I thought was probable) by concentrating on our true goals I would not be distracted no matter what lies he told.
I was not altogether surprised that he was furious. "Fool! Look what you're freeing! A slavering beast! She will tear you apart as soon as you free her! Free me and I will save her and all her nation! I will give power!"
The words were fatal. As soon as I heard them I knew what it was that bothered me so. What need had I for power such as the Sun Child would give? What enemies had I to fight? Had I not been given claws and cleverness to keep my skin whole? And what would Butterfly think? I realized in that instant that Butterfly, whose gentle nature forbid his followers to attack in anger, was the Sun Child's absolute antithesis.
Nevertheless his words held some truth, for Karen was indeed frenzying. The thick angry chains held against her most furious struggles. But when I walked towards them, and extended my hand, they wobbled uncertainly at my approach, threatening to dissolve if I touched them. It was the final piece of the puzzle, and when I saw that I understood, all at once, what was truly happening. "Be calm," I told Karen in my gentlest tone, shifting to my least-threatening human form. "Listen to my voice. Be calm."
Karen, now totally in Crinos, stopped her mad struggle for an instant. Her eyes fell on me, focusing at last. Her foaming jaws opened. "Kate?" she growled.
I looked directly into her eyes, summoning all that butterfly had taught me. "Be calm," I told her gently. "It is a test. We will free you from the chains. There is nothing to fear here. The energy of the chains that bind you is drawn from the force of anger that you feel. When you are calm, you will be free."
Karen calmed down even further. While she remained in her imposing war form, the frenzy was fading. "Please," she begged, extending a clawed pawn at me. I winced at the look of desperation on her face.
I put my hand on her arm. "Feel how cool and gentle my touch is. Concentrate on the coolness and calmness of it. Remember the feeling of the Guardian tree and how delightful it is to feel the wind blowing through your fur."
The SunChild's voice erupted behind me. "Don't do it, Bastet! She will tear you to ribbons, feast on your flesh! She's a killer, like all her species is!"
I ignored him, certain now of how to proceed. "Close your eyes. Think of water. Picture it in your mind so clearly that you can almost taste it. Remember how cool and clear it is. Remember how good it feels in your fur."
Karen closed her eyes as I spoke, calming visibly. Link by link the chains melted away into mist, until she was as free as I was.
"NO!" shrieked the Sun Child behind me, "You will not steal what's mine! Kill her, by my blood, kill her!" A moment later I could feel the SunChild's influence crossing the space between us. It hit us like a heatwave. I cringed a moment, expecting the awful padaa, but all I smelled was fresh air. I wondered why and then saw the activity of the leaves at my feet, which were whirling frantically. Thank goodness for the blessing of the Guardian Tree!
"Be calm," I continued to tell her as the Sun Child screamed behind me. "He has no power save what you give to him. He cannot hurt you unless you allow it."
Kate took a deep breath and opened her eyes, calming staring at the hysterical SunChild. "No, I will not bring harm to her. I'm no longer your slave, SunChild, I reject your blood and your hate. I reject them."
I was so proud. She had such courage!
"How dare you? how... dare... YOU?" bellowed the SunChild as the sun behind us suddenly flared into an inferno. Before I had to turn my face from the blinding light, I could see the SunChild growing to abstract proportions, merging with the sun, becoming the sun. An arm that was no longer quite an arm flared out of the ball of fire.
I dodged, enfolding Karen in my arms, but to no avail. The SunChild was now too big to see, filling the horizon from end to end. A piece of the sky reached out for us, and I supposed that it must be his hand.
The heat was unbearable, the light painful. The scrap of cloth that I was using to bandage my previously burned arm burst into flame, and the strip that I used to bind my hair fell from it in ashes. The leaves around my feet were whirling furiously, bursting into flames from the heat. I would be burnt to a crisp in a moment. My arm, already badly burned from the earlier encounter, blistered even further, turned red and black, and the delicate burnt snow-white skin fell away as ash. The rest of my skin, which had not started out injured, was painfully warm but not much else, not while the leaves still swirled. But beyond the heat was the flame, the awful living liquid fire, consuming everything it touched. I wondered how much it would hurt.
Something dark flashed in front of us, a wall, no, a wing. A wing with brown and white feathers, reaching as far as I could see, swinging down right on top of us. I pushed Karen hard, and she fell forwards beyond its pinions. I was slower and the gigantic feathers caught my hair as they dropped implacably behind us.
In spite of its speed I caught some faint licks of the flame and screamed. The ground fell away from my feet with a sickening sense of vertigo and the coolness of the wind rushing past felt good on my injured arm. I looked to see who it was that had saved us, but we were too far away. "Thank you Eagle!" I cried at the top of my lungs, and hoped he could hear me.
There was a sun in the heavens, and it wasn't made of evil oily flame but was merely warm and loving. There were trees and the wind made sound as it blew through the leaves, and the breeze was gentle and kind.
The sound of a body hitting the ground attracted my attention. Karen had collapsed nearby.
A thought formed in my mind, that I ought to get her to shelter, but under my feet the ground wobbled uncertainly and then reached up and slapped me in the face. I must have fallen. I wanted to get up but I couldn't find my knees.
It hurt to move. My vision was filled with little red stars after the exposure to the blinding light. But I had to know if Karen was okay. My burned arm didn't want to pull the way I wanted, but somehow I managed to get over to her. It was hard to sense her padaa, but when I did I couldn't smell the awful alien undertone.
"Kate," mumbled Karen incoherently, "I don't feel it anymore. I'm free... I'm free!" Laughter bubbled on her lips, "I'm free!" she repeated, and then passed out cold.
I fought unconsciousness bitterly. I was certain it was mostly shock. I tried to look at my arm and had the impression that there was a good four-inch band where the skin was either completely gone or hanging off the muscle, but apart from that single injury I was not hurt. I got the definite idea that the burn looked much worse than it actually was. It had to be shock.
I tried to stand. It was shock, I repeated firmly, I should be able to stand, and I had to get Karen to shelter. But the stars that were falling everywhere were turning black and beyond them my surroundings were fading into darkness. I couldn't find my feet and the sky spun crazily around the ground.
It was then that I picked up the padaa. I had known it at one time, I was certain of it, but in the sickening black whirl I couldn't identify it. There was somebody approaching, fast, as if they were running.
I dimly heard the voice and realized it was not my own. "Kate?"
My crumbling thoughts were panicked. The only person in the area that would have any idea of who I was would be Mark. He had no reason to be so far out in the woods unless he was looking for me. And if enough time had passed for him to be alarmed, then surely Karen's Sept was alarmed too.
I tried to pursue that idea but the falling sensation came back with a vengeance. The voice disintegrated into a nonsensical babble, and my vision collapsed with a shattering crash... and that was it.